What she probably doesn’t know is that I understand her better than she thinks.
She’s extremely frustrated at how life currently is, and she tells herself that she’s unmotivated. She takes it as laziness and blames herself. She brings herself down so much about it up to the point where she’s on the verge of giving up. She thinks it’s something that is wrong with her.
You know what I think? I think she’s just stuck and isolated from the world she really wants. I think all the frustration and feeling of being unmotivated is coming from the fact that she sees the world as a whole. She is able to see the opportunities and dreams she can chase, but she’s stuck in this situation with so many people relying on her. She’s stuck with the biggest disadvantage of being too giving, being too loving, and being too selfless.
She told me a week and a half ago that she was entertaining the idea of taking a semester off from college. I hope she knows that many people would be against that idea, especially because she’s a semester away from completing her college career. I also hope she knows that it’s okay to block outside voices in order for her to make decisions for herself. It’s okay to say no to others; she needs herself more than anyone else could ever need her, and for the longest time, the one person she’s been neglecting to take care of is herself.
Things haven’t been on good terms recently, but I hope she knows that I still support her and whatever decision she feels is right for her. It’s so hard for me to see her feel so empty, and I know offering as much as I can to help her is not enough. She doesn’t need me; she needs herself.
I love her more than words can explain, and there’s nothing more I want than for her to be genuinely happy—none of this sarcastic, sassy, and humorous facade she uses to hide from her true feelings. I need genuine happiness, and I hope she knows I can tell the difference.
[Feel better, kid. Do what you need to do to feel whole again. Things are only tough now. I promise the fight is worth it. (I know you’re hesitating to call or text because you think I’m mad, but you know I can’t resist you.)]